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So I’ve Been Thinking

October 28, 2011

I hope I’m not coming across all discombobulated but I’m battling a headache and lack of sleep at the moment.  Also, I’m listening to S. Geek put the kids to bed and they are loud and distracting.  But, since he’s doing all the work I wanted to take the opportunity to actually write something however disconnected it may seem.

Also, heeheehee, I’m uploading photos while writing this, rather serious topic, and I’m getting cute and funny pictures from last weekend’s Halloween party at my friends house.  Cute kids in costumes are SO distracting.  Also my husband and his buddy hamming it up for photos are funny.  S. Geek was Spock, his buddy was an inappropriate pirate ship.

Anyway…

A few years ago I went through a little bout with depression, since then I’ve been trying to always be aware on conscious of my state of being.  What helped a lot, and what kept me away from taking any medication was talking about it with a couple of my close friends, talking to my doctor, and of course S. Geek.  I also have believed for the longest time that if you act happy it will help you to be happy.  Talk the walk before you walk the walk sort of thing, it works for all sorts of things.

Lately though, I’ve been feeling that creeping set in.  S. Geek is constantly asking me about how I’m feeling and wondering what he can do to make me smile.  I keep telling myself that I’m just tired, and worn out.  While pondering this in my before sleep time the other night, which is actually when I do the most of my non task oriented thinking for the day, I came to the conclusion that being happy is more than just not being sad.

I am going to say that again, mostly for me but if it helps you too then c’mon let’s say it together!

Being happy is more than just not being sad.

S. Geek says to me all the time, you don’t look happy.  Not sad, just not happy.  Thinking about my personality, I told him that’s kind of just the way I am.  I know, I’m the life of the party right?  Strangely enough, the two people I’m closest to are happy people.  My friend Rob, the party host-er, is almost always smiling.  I noticed this the other day specifically that every time she answered her cell she was laughing.  I never do that.  S. Geek isn’t happy like Rob is but he is always full of songs and jokes and tickles.  Both of these two people have lots going on in their lives, they are busy and overworked but they have reasons to be happy too and act that way.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m all of a sudden going to start singing while I make breakfast in the morning.  But I am going to make more of an effort to find reasons to feel happy.  To do something every day that makes me feel good.  The one thing that won’t count is crossing off things on my to-do list.  While the sheer act of using my pink highlighter to go over the words ‘mop kitchen floor’ is highly satisfying it doesn’t exactly fill me with the glee I’m looking for.  At night, when I say goodnight to the kids I always ask them what the best part of the day was for them and from now on, I really want to be able to say something too that will actually sound awesome.  Because let’s face it, to say the best part of my day was cleaning out my bedroom closet to make room for Christmas storage is really really lame!

So, since the day is almost coming to a close I’ll share with you the best part of my day today.  It was, surprisingly enough, while I was waiting to pick Cake up from the bus stop.  Usually I loathe this because Nay is hard to keep entertained while we wait.  Today, to keep him occupied I was playing blast off with him.  I knelt down, counted backwards from ten and then when it was time to blast off I lifted him off the ground and sort of tossed him over my head for a second before catching him.  After I had done this 5 or 6 times, on the last one I tossed him up just in time to hear him exclaim with utter wonderment ‘hey mum look a dooooooooog!!!!’  Nay didn’t want to actually pet the dog, but the owner was chuckling to himself at my son’s reaction.  Thinking of this now, nine hours later still makes me happy.

I work hard, and I deserve to be happy and as usual the only thing standing in my way is me.  Don’t you hate it when that happens?

In case anyone is curious, I’ve also got a quick Pawter update!  His stitches were removed this morning and now I no longer have to keep his bootie on his foot when we go outside.  This pleases me as well because I hated trying to get that thing on and off him without hurting him.  He still has to keep his cone on for another two days but after that I can take his cone off and just make sure that he doesn’t start trying to gnaw off his other toes.  I keep joking with him that he looks like he has a t-rex foot now.  One of the many names I’ve had for him in the past has been Pawter-saurus-rex.  This seems even more appropriate now.  I’m so happy with our new vet, they are so nice and easy going.  I love how they treat Pawter and me, and my only regret is that we didn’t come sooner.  Just goes to show you that familiar isn’t always better.  His foot still looks a little gnarly but in a few days once it gets a bit of normalcy back to it I’ll take a picture of his new err…look.

Cheers,

Jenn

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Paula permalink
    October 28, 2011 8:12 am

    Glad to hear that Pawter is doing well. I’m sorry that you find yourself battling depression and while it is good to not have to rely on medication, sometimes mind over matter just doesn’t work. Not to sound like a *Mom* but you really should get a good check-up with your Doctor to rule out anything else that may be causing your blue days (under-active thyroid etc.) and sometimes, medication is the only thing that will help when one suffers from recurring bouts of depression. There is no shame in having to take a pill to get your depression in check. You are right, we all deserve to be happy and sometimes our bodies just need a little help to achieve that. Take care.

  2. Jessie permalink
    October 29, 2011 7:55 pm

    I also like your comment, which should also be typed in bold and highlighted, “I deserve to be happy and the only thing standing in my way is me”. That is a life lesson for everyone and should probably be posted up for everyone reading “We all deserve to be happy, if you aren’t the only one standing in your way is you”. Good one Jenn! love you….Tante Jessie

  3. November 9, 2011 12:27 pm

    Ugh, I know how you feel. Not sad, just not happy. I get it! Sometimes is soo hard. Maybe it is just tired. Maybe it’s more. I hate it when I’m just tired is my answer for stuff. I feel like it’s not really the case. Hey, when you figure it out let me know! :) I’ll ride your coat tails!

    Lots of yummy love,
    Alex aka Ma What’s For Dinner
    http://www.mawhats4dinner.com

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