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How I taught my daughter the ‘S’ word

June 24, 2010

So right now I’m just finishing up an hour and 45 minutes spent cleaning my closet floor.  Why would I want to spend 1 hour and 45 minutes cleaning my closet floor in what feels like 35 degree heat?  Hmmmm well the answer is I most certainly did NOT want to spend my evening cleaning teeeeeeeeeeeeenie tiiiiiiiiiny itty bitty pieces of glass mixed with loose change that was spread over the floor of my entire walk in closet.  But thanks to the awesomeness that was this afternoon’s 5.5 magnitude Earth quake I had no choice really.  Which really gives you a clue as to how I taught my daughter her first swear word this afternoon at about twenty minutes to two o’clock.  Picture this, mother and daughter both in swim suits, mother fastening daughters life jacket with care and love.  Mother fitting floaties onto daughters arms and gently blowing enough air in them to ensure a safe fit.  When all of a sudden Mother things dear God, that must be a huge dump truck traveling 80km/hr down our residential street…HOOOOOOOOOLLLLY SHHHHHHHHH********TTTTTT  That’s no dump truck it’s and EFFFFFFFING EARTH QUAKE!!!!    I begin to hallucinate the ground opening up around us and me trying to lob my daughter to safety while the giant creator in our yard sucks me and my pour dog who I think peed himself he was so scared and thank GOD he was already outside into oblivion.  Luckily my rational self scooped poor Daughter up into my arms and ran to the screen door and where I briefly lost rationality and started screaming for S. Geek to go and save my precious son from his crib as I had laid him down for his afternoon nap only 15 minutes earlier.  Neighbours are running out back by this point asking around to see if everyone is safe, I assure them I am and since I’m now clutching both confused children they know that my kids are fine as well.  S. Geek thinks I am a crazy woman and has left me to go back upstairs to his office to complete the conference call he never hung up on.  I regain my composure, allow both kids to calm themselves with a little treehouse while I assess the damage.

And that is how to teach a 3 year old how to swear.

I jest but really, it could have been worse.  I have to show you this though:

This is a bamboo plant that we gave to S. Geek’s grandmother several years before her death in 2007.  After her funeral S. Geek was very happy to be able to take this home with him to remember her by.  He actually treasures it quite deeply, I hope he doesn’t mind me saying.  That being said, it sits atop a 6 foot tall cabinet in our dining room surrounded by ceramic floor and hardwood on the other side.  When the Earth quake hit, I heard this fall to the ceramic floor and I heard the stones scatter and I immediately thought oh please let the bamboo be salvageable.  But to my astonishment and amazement, there wasn’t even a chip in the glass!  Not a single leaf out of place even though it was laying on the floor and at least an inch of its rocks were scattered from the dining room table to the back screen door.  What a strong vase that is, just like it’s original owner.

Well, I’ve still got more tidying to do before I hit the sack so I’m outta here.  Hope everyone is okay, and doesn’t have too much cleanup to do.



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