Something to Chew On
Stumbled across this image the other day and some of these numbers are staggering. Like many other people I’m getting back on the bandwagon of healthy eating now that Christmas is over with. I’m pretty lucky that over the Christmas break I actually didn’t gain any weight but I do actually have quite a bit I want to say goodbye to. About 8 or 9 years ago, I quit smoking whilst working a very stressful job. When I finally quit (the job), I had gained about 70lbs. A lot, far too much. I was a totally different person both inside and out and didn’t like either.
Luckily with the support of my awesome husband I managed to claw back most of the ‘real’ Jenn on the inside but the outside was still all wrong. My bestie Rob would go on diets with me and I saw some success with weight watchers but it took years. Then after all that, I got pregnant with Cake and then I just let it all slide and I gained 60lbs while I was pregnant with her. I lost about 35 of it before I got pregnant with Nay 11 months later but I could still see all that extra sitting on my waist and on my chest. With Nay I only gained 25lbs, and I did it the right way. I grew an almost 10lb baby, had about 8 or 9lbs of water and then the rest was made up of healthy baby weight gain. I lost all 25lbs within about 6 months but I still had all that weight leftover from Cake’s pregnancy. Add to that the extra curves that really shouldn’t be there and I’ve got a good 30lbs that I want to loose.
I know what drove me to loose control, in fact it was a need to control that caused me to make such poor choices. The job I spoke of? It was too much, I know that now. But, I was and still am a perfectionist and someone who is driven to be the best at anything that I set my sights on. Sometimes this isn’t a quality that I want to have but it is there, nonetheless. Sometimes, it does drive me to do good and other times it holds me back from doing things I want to do. I am not a professional photographer, even though I want to be, because I’m afraid that my work will not be as good as it is in my head. Even though I dream of writing a novel, I am not because I’m afraid that people will judge my real life based on what I write about.
I am overweight, like so many other people in my shoes but it’s time that I let go of what was holding me back and change my life. I will miss salt, ohdeargodhowIwillmissit but I won’t miss the fear I have every time I read an article linking sodium and increased occurrence of Alzheimers. I will miss the ease of the drive through when time is running out and kids are getting cranky. But, I won’t miss the guilt I feel when I hear my daughter angrily demand a nugget for lunch instead of having the homemade lunch I’ve prepared for her. I also won’t miss the tight jeans, or the embarrassment I feel when I’m standing next to someone who has taken better care of themselves than I have.
I’m following the ‘Lose It’ program, using my iphone to track my calories, weight changes, and exercise. I love this program, and the app was free from the Canadian app store. It’s a lot easier to track this way than it is to do Weight Watchers again or to try and just simply wing it on my own. S. Geek is dieting with me, but as he is male I’m sure he’s going to loose ten pounds before I’ve even lost two. I’ve also got the support of Maranda and even though she is the size of my left thigh, it’s nice to know she feels my pain. Ha! I’m feeling pretty good about the upcoming months, I’m expecting it to be slow. I’m not a lover of exercise but by next September I’ll have both littles out of the house
ohmygoodness have I told you yet how freaked out I am that kindergarten registration is in THREE damn weeks??? so I will likely by then convince myself that one or both of those mornings should be spent at a gym. Wish me luck, eh? Oh goodness, I can’t believe I’ve blogged about being overweight…I’m going to go and drown my sorrows in tea…